I shd be feeling happy... but y am I not??

Just completed my GDL today... so in my parents n relatives eyes now... I'm officially engaged to my hubby..

Early in the morning, hubby called and told me that they are coming. So i dragged myself out of bed and went to tell my mother that they are coming.. I really am not sure if my mother is "missing me" too much or if she's really too $ face or if satan is at work. No matter what i tell her, as long as it concerns the wedding n $, we are bound to end up in angry words. I tell myself that as a child of God, I must be patient and forgiving and understanding and kind etc etc.. but she is really driving me up the wall!!! I really am not sure if I can still take it in.

This morning just coz of early arrival of hubby, she gave me black face.. hai.. I'm so disappointed... this is suppose to be a happy occassion. Last nite was another example... hai... i just ask her hw much is she gonna take for the pin jin n she said, not up to me to know.. so i told her ok.. then i just want her to know tat FIL not working n he is paying for it. N off I went to bed. Mins later, she came n knock on my door n then reprimanded me saying, hw much do i ecpect her to take then?! My auntie took $3K! She? Cannot take ar? Wah lau... i was darn pissed n sad.... sad coz she is soooo insenstitive... can't she realise tat even though my FIL not working, he still give her wat she ask for? N my mother did not pay alot for my things... except buy those useless things such as the potty, bowls n dont know wat... n she told me, she spent a lot!!! Yar lor... alot... $500... while my PIL spent $5K!!!! Hai... i v disappointed n sad lar... but no use n no choice.. live with it.

For the last hm... at least 2 wks... on and off, I've been having arguements wif her all this while. I really don't think she is sad for me to leave the hse n get married. N at the rate our re-ship is gng, I hv no wish to stay here anyway. Whenever we argue, it's always $. Come on, I am now v v hard up for $$ as well. Can't she be mre senstitive towards me as well?? Must she always borrow $ n when I say no or don't hv, give me hell for it? I'm not marrying a rich man's son. Hubby and I barely make ends meet!!!

We try so hard to not cost our parents $ with our union but in my opinion, she always give me trouble....even my sis implies tat it's my fault!

I'm so sick of all these!!! I'm getting married. I shd be happy, my family members nevertheless shd be excited and happy for me as well. But sad to say... i feel that it's my fault for getting married!

Argggg!!!! GOD HELP ME!!!!!

a sad n disappointed n lonely me....