penny worth of thoughts...

Rencently, I'm being bogged down by this question/offering by my organisation.

"Do you want to further yourself?"

*sigh* I also don't know how to answer them. I know that it is not everyday that I'm being offered to go and study. But the thing is, the dir has been asking me this question for the last couple of years.

I know that I should take it up. But the thing is, I am seriously not in the mood to study but I also know that if I do not keep upgrading, then I will be stagnant and won't be able to go for promotion nor any other thing else.

Yet, on the other hand if I do go for it, I know that I am gurateened of a job for the next couple of years (at least 5 years) and that once I have a degree to my name, even if I were to change job, it would be that slightly easier for me.

So.. what's holding me back?
1) I can only do the program PART TIME. Meaning I still got to work full time (to earn my living) and to study like 3, 4 evenings a week during week days OR the whole weekend for AT LEAST 2 YEARS!!! *think I will either do darn bad or will have to repeat each sem at least once!!*

2) Being bonded for the next 5 years after I graduate is not a problem for me. The only problem is the increase of the workload that I am fearful of.

3) Which also means, if I do take up the offer, I got to shelf our BB plans for another 3 years at least. Or to be exact, only can start our BB operation a year after I graduate. Coz I figured that my paying boss won't be too happy if I come back wif my degree and then proceed with a 3 mth maternity leave. -_-" But hubby is not too happy if we shelf it for too long. He's already excited to try to be a "Daddy" at the moment. To shelf it for 3 mre long years.. Think he will flip!

Yet, on the other hand.. If I do take up the offer... The plus would be
1) Sure of a better prospect in future. Maybe not a promotion to the "Mgr" level (as though I am dying for it?! *bleh*) but I know I will definately be a lecturer and therefore higher income and a better life for my future kiddies (should the Lord choose to bless us with) and then maybe I can have my 4 kiddies... 2 boys and 2 girls?

2) Be able to afford a more comfy standard living for my family.

3) Be part of the "norm" now that all is having a degree and I own 1 too. Tat will shut the rest of the ppl up!

4) I know, the bottom line is still for MY OWN BENEFIT, once I owned tat blessed piece of paper, it would be easier for me to change jobs and to 'demand' for a higher salary lor.

All in all, I know that it is for my own benefit that if I have a degree to my name. What's more, the co is willing to pay the FULL course fees for me and all I need to do is to get a PASS in everything that I am taking. Weather I get fanastic or just pass results is not impt. Coz what I need is JUST THAT PIECE OF BLESSED PAPER and even if I do not too well. The co can't do anything.. coz.. (they deserved it for 'forcing' me to go study) I'm being bonded for 5 darn long years, remember?!

But, having said all these... I am just not willing to go n study la.. *sigh* V happy with the kinda life I am leading now. Though I know that when my 1st BB comes, life may not be so comfy. So it's either I struggle now and then give my kiddies a better life lor.

I also know I cannot remained where I am forever coz I will be obselte. *Sigh* But having to push our BB plans for so long is really the main main main reason for me to think so darn hard.

Think if hubby is agreeable and I have his support not so bad lor.. But I also know... God meant for us in marriage for "intimacy" and "procreate!" These 2 are the main pilliars of marriage. W/o these 2... then...???

Need, no... it's desprately need God to show us some leeway to get round this. *sigh*