Random thoughts

While talking to Clement and Wiselyn yesterday, they asked me if I'm doing ok now. If I've recovered...

I also got a sms from my nice mgr who just came back from Japan few days before asking how I am.

I was thinking, many people have asked me if I've recovered. Recovered from what? The operation? The pain? The loss? What? I guess, most people will be meaning it from the point of the operation and the loss.

I guess, I have. The operation was over in a matter of minutes. The time waiting for the operation was killing. The decision to have to go for D&C was also killing. The knowledge that Lama had no heartbeat came as a shock and also in a way relief.

Finally we knew the reason of my continuous spotting and also an end to the worries that comes with the pregnancy.

What lingers on now was the brief moments that I knew I was pregnant. The operation with the needle to administer the GA. The needle is damn painful and I only remembered warm liquid flowing in just before the operation. Other than that, I woke up feeling very sleepy and wanting to sleep some more.

The bill waiting to be paid is about the last of the whole episode.

Sometimes, when I see Clara or other babies now, there is a tinge of sadness and a feeling of 'what a waste'. Yet, at the same time, I also feel relief, relief that we are not having a Baby soon, because, the timing is so absolutely off for us.

In a way, I feel that, God in His wisdom have also "taken" back the child knowing that the timing is not suitable for us.

I thank God for giving us the gift of life, I also thank God for taking it back. Controversy? Yes. Ironic? That too.

For the moment, I'll just not think of anything else and just concentrate on my studies, life, work, marriage and health.

All will come.

According to Him.

In His time.